Modern Health


Smokin' hot doctor

 I am not a lover of newness. I like old, pre-loved, used, second-hand etc. My favourite shopping experiences are not at those sanitised Op-shops who actually fold things, vacuum + price their linen/books/crockery similarly to K-mart but the hardcore junk shops, + salvage centres (the ones next to the dump). I prefer my trash to be jumbled up so I have to dig to the bottom of a pile of broken chairs before I find *the* table/sideboard etc. I like my shop assistants to be sweaty, hairy old men who wear singlets + stubbies. They need to grunt + shrug when I ask the price before giving me an overall total of “5 bucks, aye?”. 

This is a family thing. My father does it. My father’s father does it. My father’s father’s father did it. Dad still comes home with stuff from the tip when he drops off a trailer load off even though there are  laws now saying you can’t take ‘rubbish’. Granddad trawls the weekend papers for deceased estates because “that’s where the best bargains are” and my great granddad built his shed (which was his family’s first home) from other people’s leftover wood. 

So that is the background. Here is the story. One of my latest treasures from a particularly authentic, dusty, dirty junk shop is a *classic* textbook called Modern Ways to Health (Volume II), which I strangely can’t find listed anywhere on our suggested textbook list. I can’t find the publishing date, but I’m assuming that’s because back then they didn’t use the current calendar system we do now.

When a scanner is purchased, I’ll scan some of the articles because I really can’t do them justice without photos. For now, please visualise a black and white photo of a fat man eating a large whipped cream-esque dessert with a spoon. Headline reads:


(Article reads) This man is digging his grave with his teeth. If he is driving to work, sitting down all day, and coming home to watch his television programmes, he is sitting down too much. His wife may run around the house all day during her work and often walks around town all day shopping. Whatever else she may accomplish, she at least gets some rather useful exercise, which helps to keep her fit. (end quote)

It goes on to suggest ways to cut down animal fats, walk more and helpfully points out how “no person who is already fat can afford to even look at ice cream!”. Suffice to say, I love this book. 

I have an urge to lug it to uni and interrupt lectures to argue “Sir, I think you’ll find in the current edition of Modern ways to Health, page 427 states that a deep sun tan is a sign of good health + we should all aspire to have one.” 

Best be off. I have so much running around the house to do, not to mention the all day shopping I must do in town before dutchboy comes home + needs his slippers warmed. His does get terribly tetchy if they’re not done in time for his programmes.


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2 Responses to “Modern Health”

  1. kingslondonmedstudent Says:

    I love that advert 🙂

  2. Cait Says:

    It’s such a crack up. I love his “trust me” eyes.

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