Time to (briefly) shine

If I was to describe this year as a feeling it would be:  inadequacy.  When I read C’s posts I feel slightly better knowing that someone else on the other side of the country feels exactly the same as I do nearly everyday.

But every now + then (extremely rarely) there are some golden moments when I don’t feel inadequate. Moments when I *gasp* actually feel a tiny bit awesome.

These moments generally only ever occur in clinical skills.  These are moments when I’m reminded that my past life, my crazy open family who regularly scream at each other, my x amount of years in crappy jobs, my fiery italian-esque relationship screaming matches, my experiences being abused by the general public and having spittle hurled in the face because the “goddamn coffee isn’t hot and I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A HOT LATTE”…+ my years answering complaint calls from angry mothers whose jumping castles have deflated/not turned up/ruined their hydrangeas…

they were useful.

Because today during our simulated angry patient workshop (actor comes in going off their head + we calm them) today…I killed it. I diffused that anger like a freaking anger…er..diffusing….pro. For the first time ever during med a tutor said to *me* “That was faultless. I don’t have any feedback.”

Today was a bit of a revelation because I realised that something I had considered so normal + natural was actually something a bit special. It may not the the ability to fly or see through attractive mens clothing but…my brilliant superpower is: Other people’s anger doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t paralyse me or silence my thoughts as it seems to do to those less experienced in copping full on verbal abuse. When someone starts screaming, my only thoughts are “why is this person going apeshit and how can I stop them spitting in my face so I can go back to reading my magazine/cup of tea/data spreadsheet?”

I’ve spent the rest of the afternoon feeling quietly chuffed. I’m planning on savouring that feeling for a while…it might be my happy place where I go when I start to think “oh lord, I’m going to be the most irresponsible, horrible clinician because I can’t figure out partial pressures of O2”.

But hey, smart people! If you help me figure out this science crap, when something goes wrong with you, I’ll let you send all your angry patients to me.

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2 Responses to “Time to (briefly) shine”

  1. doctor007 Says:

    DEAL.

  2. doctor007 Says:

    Oh, and good work on having a moment as a medical student where you feel good about yourself….how did you do that?

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