– passed exams. felt great.

– had one week holiday, caught up with old friends. wandered around other cities, art galleries, generally whilst munching on delicious fatty grease and sugar. managed to fly tiger three times during an ashcloud and major airline grounding due to faults without one delay or cancellation. came home refreshed.  felt great

– started three weeks of aged care. got placed on neurology ward. found that the remote knowledge I once had of neurology had forsaken me and buggered off to make room for recipes for cinnamon bun cake. saw stroke patients and sad cases of degenerating nerve and muscle disorders.  felt not so great. felt stupid actually.

– had an intensive week of hands on training at uni. felt great. slightly less stupider than when started.

– started cancer care. got placed on palliative care. felt awful. then spiritually awakened. then awful. then spiritually awakened. had anxiety filled evenings mentally preparing myself for the deaths of all my loved ones. spent the majority of nights staring at ceiling wondering what the point of life is. why are we here? what is dying? how big is the universe? what makes us more than carbon atoms? how do I want to die? who do I want there? what if I don’t get a choice and it happens suddenly and horribly? read about mediating on your own mortality. completely ignored the coursework. decided I loved palliative care.

– started mental health. had fire alarm go off the first week. found that there is very little that is as entertaining and scary as evacuating a mental health unit full of predominantly paranoid schizophrenics whilst sirens blare and red lights flash. Not sure where they evacuated the locked patients to…and I heard later that one poor patient was still in the shower. when he hopped out everyone was gone! overall am loving mental health which is comforting seeing as mental health is a large component of general practice. interesting though as everyone else seems to loathe it. One intern described psych as his ‘own personal hell’. people generally think you’re being sarcastic when you say you’re loving it. like it’s incomprehensible to enjoy listening to someone’s sordid drug history or religious delusions. i find it fascinating and a bit humbling that they’re actually telling me personal details (the ones that are lucid that is….the deluded ones will tell anyone anything if they stand still long enough). but then I’ve always been the crazy drug affected magnet on the bus. I remember one man (off his tree) in sydney yelling at an entire full bus (that was steadfastly trying to ignore him) that “SHE’S THE ONE! AYE AYE! She’s a good ‘un” whilst pointing and grinning at me before sitting down. Another one recently serenaded a friend and I with Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn at a busstop. Yes. I do like mental health. The staff are so friendly. Which I suppose is due to dealing with sad, awful things peppered with some of the strangest behaviours you could imagine.

– had a great chat recently with a slightly older female doctor with small children. Her advice was to delay childrearing until after getting into a training program, as working part time makes it difficult to study for entrance exams or get PHO job positions. So even if I am lucky and get into the GP training program in my first year out, I’m still obligated to work full time for my second year in hospital before going off into the community to continue training (as far as I know…I think you can work parttime but it makes your initial training prolonged, and maybe harder?). That will make me 29 before I can start popping out the 87 babies I want. It’s hard because I am starting to feel that there is a large part of life that we’re missing out on right now. Could be because I’m reading too many baby blogs. Seeing friends with too cute babies.  I know lots of students I spend time with are not even thinking about this. Some are resolute about never wanting kids. That kind of thinking alleviates a lot of contemplation and planning. I wish I wasn’t, but I’m thinking about it a lot. Everyone on the other side of the fence (older doctors, people with families, my mother) are saying “WAIT”. Which is easy to say when you’ve got kids already and am not shit scared about waiting too long and having shrivelled dried up ovaries. ARGH. In the words of one obs and gyne registrar “I feel like I’m putting off my chances of having babies, to look after other people having babies full time for years and by the time I can get time off the training program and be in a position to actual have my own, my ovaries will have packed up and left. Then I’ll spend all that money I’ve earnt on IVF”

– and randomly in another train of thought: have been watching great new show British show Junior Doctors on ABC iview. Makes me feel better about my days in hospital every time I watch.



One Response to “Meanwhile…”

  1. Allison Says:

    I have those fears as well (I’m not married yet- my poor boyfriend has no idea I worry about babies). I’ll be 28 by the time I’m done with medical school, 32 by the end of a 4-year residency. And then there’s the fellowship. Of course, we all know we’re not supposed to have kids till we’re done with all the training… so yes. All the money will be spent on IVF. Or, preferably, on someone else to carry my babies for me. mwahaha

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