Cafe Psychiatry

To thank dutchboy for continuing to cohabit with me despite frequent melodramatic outbursts, I booked us into a coffee appreciation breakfast. Our friends Jas & Kris had been and enjoyed it so much that they blogged about it here and here.

We love Canvas and the breakfast was beautiful, Brendan from deluxe Boutique Coffee Roasters was lovely, knowledgable, and full of interesting facts, and overall it felt very indulgent. Stephanie Lawson has a gorgeous cafe, and knows how to make people feel welcome. Just what we needed to get ourselves ready for a summery sunday full of assignments and study.

My favourite part however, was not the coffee, the decadent pastries, or the beautiful cafe decor. It was a fellow guest, straight out of Faulty Towers, or Monty Python.

Before I begin, let me preface by stating that this was a premeditated event.

You had to book.

And pay money.

Get a ticket.

Emails were involved.

And it was called “Coffee Appreciation Breakfast”

So,when the middle aged woman with chemically enhanced blonde hair,  younger-than-age-attire, who was running 20 minutes late, declared to the table that she “doesn’t drink coffee” because she “hates it” and she wants a “hot chocolate on skim” it was all I could do not to laugh. She. Was. For. Real.

She then proceeded to interrupt while the brewing and pouring went on, whilst  he was trying to explain various aspects of the house blend, describing the regions in Indonesia that produce certain types of flavours and the differences between a dry press and a wet press, the best grind for an espresso vs a drip filter vs a stovetop, with such gems as:

“Aw, that stinks”


“Ohhhh I hate coffee”

Nibbling on a tart “Oh, at least these are good!”

The impeccably poised, patient and well spoken Brendan never faltered and is clearly much more sophisticated than dutchboy and I, who were resisting the urge to alternatively guffaw into laughter and fling our respective pain chocolat and croissant at her.

My cafe psychiatric diagnosis is Histrionic PD

So, thank you crazy lady, for the funniest pythonesque encounter I’ve had in a long time.



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2 Responses to “Cafe Psychiatry”

  1. jazziefizzle Says:

    Bahahahaha. Sounds much more eventful than the breakfast we went to!! So awkward 😛

  2. Mandy Says:

    (1) I must try this Coffee Appreciation Breakfast! It sounds absolutely lovely as I am such a caffeine aficionado (*cough* addict).

    (2) I concur with your diagnosis – too hilarious. You’ve encapsulated the most lucid image of her in my mind! I really do hope I bump into this vivacious character one day hehe.

    Love, Mandy xx

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